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Post by laura25 on Jan 12, 2012 16:39:40 GMT -5
This is a story I have begun to write. I have no idea how long it will be, but so far I have quite a bit. This, however, is just the intro to the story. Please be very honest with your critiques. Thank you!
MENDACIUM
They will find you. Where ever you go, where ever you are, they walk. They walk amidst the black trees, though you do not see or hear them. They are as grim, as dark, as the ground they tread upon. They will seek you as they sought me. Abandoned and in silence I sit, bound to a cold, damp wall. It is the only thing I feel, besides the affliction within my heart. I am surrounded now by the darkness. All around me, it lingers. My eyes have not seen for days, and the anxiety I have is as strong as the chains that have bound me to my cell wall. They know now. They know who I am, and what I have done. Is it true? Is this place real? Too long have I questioned where I am. Even where I came from seems imagined. Nothing seems real. I am afraid. At night I hear them crawl about outside. I hear them whisper to me, taunting me. I hear their song burst through this place as it has every night since I’ve been in this here. I sort through my memory over and over, but do not know how or why I am here. My past keeps me from my insanity. Ariadne Wilson, twenty-four years of age, born and raised in America, five foot five, all are phrases running through my mind. All I have is my story. I begin it again, as I have for days, going back to a few months ago. Perhaps this will help me realize why I am here...
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anne
Junior Member
Posts: 93
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Post by anne on Jan 14, 2012 3:29:58 GMT -5
Interesting start. The kind of music at the begining of a chase scene, like in a movie, actually started playing in my head at the beginning. I'd like to read more! I'm very curious about what "they" are.
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Post by laura25 on Jan 14, 2012 22:29:43 GMT -5
How interesting! I actually wrote this while listening to soundtracks that inspire me! haha It still needs ALOT of work but I am happy to hear it interests you! More of it will be up very soon
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Post by bkdargavell on Jan 17, 2012 10:38:02 GMT -5
I'm really interested in reading more about this. I'm still trying to figure out what "they" are, hints?
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Post by laura25 on Jan 17, 2012 17:00:32 GMT -5
Thank you! You can read more in the post titled "Mendacium" if you would like to read the next little bit of this story. "They" will be explained soon in this story. No worries
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Post by bkdargavell on Jan 18, 2012 11:14:31 GMT -5
Okay! I'm going to go read it now! Hahaha
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Post by laura25 on Jan 18, 2012 12:51:55 GMT -5
Is there a way that I can link these pieces of my story together so that people can know to read them in order? It will be quite a long story...
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Post by bkdargavell on Jan 18, 2012 13:35:48 GMT -5
Yes, you can copy and paste the link from the other part and past it under this part like;
story story story. the end
here's a link to the second part: you can use <*a href="LINK HERE> here's part two</a*> take out the *, and I'm pretty sure that html trick will work on here.
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Post by kip on Jan 19, 2012 8:45:06 GMT -5
There are two ways to post your segments contiguously. To continue the story in the same thread, just click reply, and post it. Or an administrator can move it for you, if asked.
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crimson676
New Member
we hunt, we find, we conquer
Posts: 15
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Post by crimson676 on Jan 19, 2012 17:53:00 GMT -5
wow great start, very compelling, just like a short poem. I can see this going somewhere
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Post by laura25 on Jan 20, 2012 11:04:28 GMT -5
I used to lead a wonderful life, or at least one that made me happy. Finally things had started falling into place, and my world was just as I had always wanted it to be. I was just out of college, with a fiance I loved so dearly. He was truly my best friend, my soul mate. He always made me laugh, even when I cried. How lovely it was to just hold his hand, to talk with him about everything under the sun. I was so proud to be his. We were ready to reach after our dreams of helping people, of making the world a better place. He was the dearest person I have ever know in my life. The sweetest dream come true, was finally mine. I saw myself beside him, growing old together. I loved him with all my heart. I still do. The cruelty of life, though, is it can all go away. The cruelty of my life, is that it did. A week after our engagement, a drunk driver hit him head on, resulting in a broken leg, a couple ribs, and many bruises. But the most awful thing that was broken, was his personality. He suffered from a head injury, leaving him a completely different person who was bitter, angry, and who certainly did not love me. I feel as if I am there now. All of a sudden, my memories put me back into the poorly lit hospital, making my way down the hallways to room number 522 where all my fears had come to exist. I see myself opening the door, peering in to see if he is awake. Usually, he had been that time of day, because that is when I always came. Right after lunch that is. Uneasiness filled my heart as I began to say the only words I could without my voice cracking and tears streaming down my face. “Good morning sweetheart, how are you feeling today?” “Why are you here again?” I hear him say in disgust. “I thought you might like company.” This is what I said everyday except on the inside I screamed “I miss you! Don’t you miss me too? Doesn’t this hurt you? Don’t you love me anymore?” Reality snapped back into place as he begin to laugh at my response. It was the type of fake laugh that you hear when someone wants to make it really obvious they are not a bit pleased with your presence. The type of laugh that hurt my heart every time I heard it from him. Our conversations were short, for he did not have the patience to put up with me anymore, but I kept at it for months. Everyday, I saw him, but everyday it was the same. On no day in particular, I remember coming home, putting on the sweatshirt he had given me, curling up in bed and crying. This was my normal routine, except something about that day sticks out to me now. I think I was crying for a reason I hadn’t before. Looking back, I think I had realized I had to let go. There was a quiet drizzle of rain that night, which softly led me to sleep. I don’t remember anything after that. At least not on that day. I don’t know what had happened, but I know when I woke up the next day, every suddenly changed.
Iudicium
Shivering... Gasping.... Bright light... Cold, shivering... Water all around me.... Tan, blue, green.... My head was pulsing, as if my heart now beat inside my brain. Waves of the ocean, sounding in my ear, everything around me a blur. Water washing upon my body, and sand engrained in the side of my face. Startled, I sat up quickly and took in my surroundings. Smooth sand stretched as far as the I could see. Foaming green and blue waves crashed upon me. I was on...a beach. The sun was abnormally bright, but on the horizon, the skies where churning, almost black. Behind me was a thick mass of dark green made out of plants and trees that came together forming a jungle that seemed suffocating underneath the hot sun. The air was humid and stuck to my every breath. The confusion was too much for me to handle. The last thing I had done was to climb into my bed at home last night. Where was I now? No, I’m still dreaming, I thought to myself. It just all seemed so real, and as I looked down I realized I had my night clothes still on and they were soaking wet from the water. That seemed odd to me. I never remembered wearing my night clothes in any dream I had ever had. Something was off. Everything was too realistic to be any sort of dream I was having. Something inside me felt that I was being watched, and that this was real. Then that I saw it. A small twinkling fire, glimmeriing behind the thick of the smothering trees. I felt drawn to it somehow. As if I knew I should not go near it, but my feet still carried me there. The one fire quickly became two small fires, then three, four, five fires. As I drew closer I realized the lights were on a pathway that led into the jungle. I began to follow these lights as if they were beckoning me in. There was a certain feeling in the air that seemed almost haunting. It was haunting is such a sense that I can barely describe how I felt, but it was sweet to smell, and bitter to taste. After a few minutes of following these lights, I sensed I was not alone. I frantically looked around but saw nothing. I heard a quiet rustle of leaves, but saw nothing. I stood there not knowing what to do, when I realized something was behind me. Trembling, I slowly turned around and saw two glowing yellow eyes staring at me from the part of the path that had not been lit up yet. My knees shook and my mind was telling me to turn around. Behind me there was only the lights now, and I could not turn back. Suddenly all the lights grew brighter, and I was shocked to see that the yellow eyes belonged to those of a young boy. His stare bore into me, and I fell backwards onto the path.The boy fumbled for a small horn he carried, took one last look at me, blew into the horn, and ran away. A queer sound filled everything space of the jungle that was left, and echoed among every crevice available. Muffled shouts were heard, while I sat there frozen in shock. Trees began to rustle, the ground began to shake, and I saw them. I saw them running with knives, with spears, with arrows. I saw them running after me. Instinct kicked into my legs and I ran into the jungle, away from the lights. Without shoes, my feet were cut on rocks, sticks, and plants. Branches swiped the sides of my face and body. Roots from trees beckoned me to fall. But, the screams of whatever was behind me propelled me forwards. They were gaining on me, and blurs of blue and purple began to shoot past my head. I did not know what was happening, but I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I shot around trees and bushes, and was running alongside an enormous rock. I was so close to escaping, so close...my legs were about to give way...when suddenly I collided with something, and fell hard to the ground. My breath was knocked out of my lungs, but I was picked up by someone to be carried to safety. At first I thought they had caught me, but soon realized I was being carried away from my attackers. I covered my head for fear of getting hit by whatever was shooting past us as we desperately tried to escape. Our predators seemed to be gaining on us, and just when I felt surely we’d be caught, I found myself being swept into a small hiding place underneath the ground. For a moment, we just lay there, unable to think about where we could possibly be, or if we were dreaming. I realized he had been running too, and he took my hand and in panic breathing, “Follow me!” We ran as fast as I’ve ever run until he brought me to a ditch that turned into a tunnel under ground. He turned to me and put his hand over my mouth mouthing “Shhh”. The people chasing us ran by, shouting and screaming, and some of them weeping. They were dressed in black clothes decorated with gold and red feathers. They had deep black hair and dark skin. I did not get the glimpse I wanted of them, but I knew they were like nothing I had seen before.
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Post by laura25 on Jan 21, 2012 16:18:04 GMT -5
Still (part 3 of Mendacium)
My legs ached as I stood up to stretch them. An hour had passed before we dared to venture out of our small refuge. The sun was now beginning to set and the air was colder than before. I was glad to get out of the small disgusting whole we were crammed in, but fearful to step out into the open as well. My rescuer seemed to have too much courage as he immediately began to look for wood, all the while muttering to himself as if he were frustrated. Or perhaps he seemed worried. I was very concerned at this and walked over him to see what was up. “Hey,” I whispered, “is everything okay, or is there something you’d like to tell me?” “No.” “No what?” “No everything is not okay, and NO I would not like to tell you.” So I was on a random island in the middle of nowhere when life did not make the tiniest bit of sense, and we were somehow strangely in the same place running for our lives, but he did not care to inform me about anything he knew. “Oh okay then. That’s just great. That’s really great. When I have pieces of information that could possibly save your life or explain why in the world you are here, I will keep them from you too!” He turned to me with a unexpected wave of panic and anger. “Listen up. Listen up real good. I don’t know how you got here, but when I woke up this morning, I was surrounded by them.” “What?” “Oh stop playing stupid, you saw them. You ran from them. Anyways, I was panicked, and didn’t know what to do, so I laid there. I waited until they had their backs turned, there were only two of them you see, and I took a rock and...and...” Robert voice shook as fear took hold of him. “You killed them”, I breathed. He looked at me for a second as if I had proclaimed his death sentence, then turned away in anger. “Look”, he hissed, “go over there and get some rest. They want us, understand? So you’ve got to sleep to run away when you have to. I’ll keep watch for a bit.” He pointed over by the hole we had hid in earlier where there was soft green grass to lay on. I obediently went over, stunned at what I just heard, and terrified for my life. Even after an hour of laying in the soft grass, I could not stop thinking enough to let myself fall asleep. I was so confused. Where were we? How did we get here? Why both of us? I was angry at everything, and wanted answers. I looked over at him sitting beside the fire he had made for us. Despite how close he was to the heat of the fire, he was still shivering. I decided to walk over and keep him company. “I’m sorry”, he whispered. I just stared at him for a second, not really knowing exactly what to say. Confusion, and anger kept my brain from deciding what I should say back to him. We just sat there staring into the fire in silence. “What is your name?” I asked at last. “Robert Ferris.” “Where where you before...here I guess?” “I’m from Moscow Idaho. It’s pretty small. You?” he asked. “I’ve never heard of Moscow, but um I’m from Cincinnati, Ohio. Not so small I guess.” We sat in silence again. Robert was about to say something when all of a sudden a loud voice rang throughout the jungle. Robert and I scrambled to put out the fire and rush back into our small refuge. The voice continued into a chant or song. Drums echoed it’s cry, and fear rushed throughout my body. Robert and I sat closely together, not even courageous enough to draw a single breath. As the song progressed, I felt the earth shake beneath me. It sounded as if, it was a song of grief. The singer’s notes where full of meaning, and there was a certain feeling that you got when you heard it. You felt as if each note carried a heavy weight that was dropped on every single part of the jungle. Fear came over me and I turned to Robert. He whispered the same words that had been on my mind all day,“Where are we?” I buried my face in Robert’s shoulder in fear, not caring what he thought of me. I could feel him shake, and knew he was terrified as well. For me it was the idea of not knowing who had been chasing me, or where I was. But for him, it was the idea that this song seemed to be mourning the lives that Robert had taken. The idea that this song, for Robert, may as well have been a death sentence.
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Post by laura25 on Jan 21, 2012 16:28:21 GMT -5
Captured
It was morning when we found ourselves being chased into the jungle once again. This time our pursuers were much more fortunate, as we found ourselves between them and a cliff without any escape. I was marched, or rather, dragged by my captors for what seemed like miles. I did not see what they were doing to Robert, however I figured he was being treated the same if not worse. I thought I could travel no further, when I looked up and saw those strange lights. Those lights that made a path for us to walk into the heart of the jungle. My heart was racing. I was fearful of who these people where and going deeper such darkness that was only lit by these strange lights. It was then that my captors became more serious. I felt the rope they had wrapped around my hands grow so tight, it cut into my wrists. They forced to me to stand up right, and to move faster. The lights curved and let us downwards until we came to a huge clearing on the bottom of the slope. The colors I had seen before seemed to be fading, and everything seemed to be black. Even the leaves on the tress and birds in the air, were black. I was in a immense amount of pain, but this did not keep me from my surprise. A path was set out for Robert and I to walk. We were pushed forward to walk down this road to whatever our fate was. Natives to where ever we were, gathered around this path as we walked. Everyone of them was loaded with red reeds, knives, and spears. Each of them had dark paint around their eyes, with thick black hair framing their harsh faces. They glared at us, as if they had the capability of seeing right into our souls. As if they alone could condemn us for existing. The pathway was made out of smooth slippery stone that was stained by our bloodied feet. I did not dare look at Robert and he did not look at me. Where ever we were, what ever situation we were in, it was not good. The end of the path, gave way to a dark, gorgeous man sitting stiffly on some kind of throne. He was clothed in complete black, and had a face that you could not look away from. It was strange, but when I looked upon his face, I felt as if my heart were being squeezed so that it could not pump blood to the rest of my body. Pain shot throughout my arms and legs, and it became hard to breathe. Looking at him, I was in so much pain, but when I turned away it ceased. And yet I had to look upon him again. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He sat upon this throne with such pride, but he had a mysterious way about him. The pain I felt grew more intense. I began to feel my wrist swell, and my feet bleed more profusely. I grew tired and faint, and the world around me darkened into nothing.
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Post by laura25 on Jan 21, 2012 16:39:32 GMT -5
Tenebrae
When my eyes were open once again, I could not see at first. Pain filled my body, and fear had overcome my mind. Yet somehow even in that moment, the image of the man on throne lingered in my memory. Slowly, my mind made out the images before me. People were walking all around, and all was still covered in darkness. I was not laying on the black grass that surrounded me, but instead felt that I was lying on cold, hard ground. I then came to realize that I was laying in a glass cage in the middle of their village. I slowly sat up, and saw that it was just big enough for my body. I panicked, but was frozen still. The sound of drums began to burst into my ear. People came close around my cage and stared at me with haunting, yellow eyes. I felt dizzy, weak, but alert. None of them spoke, or made any little noise. They just stood there. Even the little boy who had first seen me on the path at the beach was there. I shrunk away from them all, terrified. Suddenly loud, steady footsteps parted the crowd, and the eyes of the man on the throne met mine. Pain shot through my body, and my eyes went blind. However this time, I could see again within seconds. I dared not look at him again. His shoes were made of a dark metal that I did not recognize. Soon, I found that I was released from my cage, and thrown face down into the ground before him. I heard him ask a question, but could not make out what it was. Silence followed, and he bent down. I shut my eyes so I did not see his face. “Ariadne.” My name. How did he know my name? “Ariadne answer me. Did you kill him?” His voice was smooth and perfect. It seemed almost luring, as the lights had been. “Ariadne. Answer me.” He place his hand on my shoulder, and I screamed in pain. A cold wave of pain shot down my arm, so that it seemed to be frozen solid. “NO! NO!,” I cried, “PLEASE! NO!” He took his hand off my arm, and the warmth slowing returned. He quickly turned and stormed away. Strangely, the people turned away as well. I felt surely I would have died then, but they just left me. Did he believe me, or did he care? Who were they? I lay there in the middle of the village for hours, in too much pain to get up. The sun never rose, however the night remained. I felt so vulnerable lying there alone in the middle of such a dark place. Black huts were scattered among the ground, and when people were to be seen, often times they would fight with each other. Hostility and angered was as abundant as the pain that ached within my body. The things I saw that day have haunted since. Countless women were pushed around by men and raped right in the opening in the village. Several men argued until only one of them was left standing with their bodies lying at his feet. My concern for Robert grew as I did not where he had been taken. I assumed they had already killed him. Much later, a young woman came, bringing me water. I tried my best to crawl away from her, but as soon as I moved my lungs constricted and I could not breath. I did not drink the water she had brought as I did not know what it was capable of doing to me. Everything here seemed poisoned, and I was not ready to lose my life. She gently set down the water, and whispered, “Meet me when they go to sleep behind that hut there, or they will kill you.” Before I could say anything, she was gone. I looked around, longing to run, but too weak to even stand. I had no idea if she could be trusted, but had not choice but to meet her. My life was on the line. One by one, people began to disappear, and soon I was alone. I slowly, quietly crawled to the hut. A shadow emerged from behind, and picked me up. I felt no pain this time, but I was so exhausted. Everything was a haze. Inside, there was a fire, and a bed that I was laid upon. I looked up and to my relief I saw Robert’s face. Blood trickled down his forehead, and he looked dreadful. The young woman sat beside me, and tended to my wounds. She was dressed in their clothes, and had the same black hair, however her stare was not deadly. It was instead kind, and full of sympathy. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. “Where am I?” I choked. “Tenebrae”, she said sadly. “Who? Who are you?” “My name is Filia”, she said gently, “but do not talk, we do not have time. They will know you are gone soon. We must escape.” I was too weak to argue. Robert sat there unable to take his eyes off the fire. Filia went to him, and they seemed to argue, but they whispered so I could not hear. Finally she turned to me and knelt down. “Robert will carry you, but you will need to run when we pass the lights. Do no look at them. I will lead us, but you cannot look upon them. Do you understand?” I nodded. “Drink water please. It will heal your wounds.” I took the water she gave me, and something strange started to take place. My feet felt as if they were beginning to heal, along with my shoulder and all my other wounds. I looked up and saw that Robert too had taken the water. His head stopped bleeding. It was curious, but I did not have the strength to wonder why. Moments later, Robert was carrying me through the forest. The lights were all around us, but I dared not look up. Robert too kept his eyes down. For a while we walked, however soon Filia told Robert to put me down. “Ariadne, Robert”, she breathed, “Run”. Trees and plants were difficult to see as the shot past us. Drums were beating behind us, waking up those who chased us through the dark jungle. Filia paved the way for us, and I could barely keep up. However the angry screams and shouts behind us propelled me forward. So many questions filled my mind, and I was full of panic. Filia knew the way of the jungle and lead us to safety in no time, although the screaming was still audible where we were. She led us to a high place above the ground, explaining that the people were not our only thing to fear. Animals roamed the jungle looking for prey to attack. However, she said we were safe at the time being.
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Post by laura25 on Jan 27, 2012 0:26:02 GMT -5
Wandering
For days we wandered in the darkness, our bodies aching from hunger and thirst. At night we fearfully hid from our captors and the dark predators of the jungle. Every morning brought a lack of motivation to rise from our sleep and continue to seek hope. The hope of what, we did not know. Perhaps it was the hope of escaping, of survival, although we did not know what to survive for. Our emotions continually rose to those of jealousy, anger, and frustration. On just the third day away on our search for freedom, darkness came over me, and I looked upon Filia with contempt. In everything she did, I saw it as a move towards gaining Robert’s affection. She was too beautiful, too luring and seductive for me to have a chance against anything she did. I did not know at the time what had come over me, but all my thoughts were on Robert. He became a sick obsession within my mind that I could not shake. I thought this to be incredibly stupid, as I had just met the guy, but I couldn’t help myself. Jealousy is an odd thing. Usually it only hurts your circumstances and makes you miserable. So miserable that it consumes your mind and makes you do things that you would have never done before. And yet it is an addiction. Some kind of sick addiction that you wish you could shake but instead it continually grows and plants its roots within your soul. And so I was an addict to the pain caused by every movement Filia made. The way she walked, looked, talked, acted; all of these things fed the jealousy in my mind. The jealously over someone I did not even know. It seems that all of our awful traits came out in these few days. Robert’s anger and pride was fearful at times. One look from him could put so much fear in you that the urge to run away, no matter how foolish that was, was extremely tempting. Filia warned us that the darkness of this place brought out the worst in everyone, and that we should keep pressing on towards the valley she called Anchora to be free form these evils. However, Filia oddly seemed fine, and told us the horrors of Tenebrae. The rape of women, murder of children, and the hanging of men who defended their families was prevalent everyday there. Malum was the name of their leader. Anyone who looked upon him submitted to his will. Women longed to be known by him, and men longed to take over his position, but he was in complete control. He embraced murder and evil. There society relied upon these things. However Filia had never looked into Malum’s eyes, and she always wanted out. The night we came, she had planned to escape. It would have been easy if she had left us, but she instead brought us to safety. Malum had been endlessly searching to kill a man whose name he refused to speak. The day Robert and I had come, Malum had sent his people out to spy on us for fear that we would be associated with this man he so deperatly wanted dead. This explained how he knew my name, but not why he thought I had possibly killed the man. Filia was not sure either.
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The ground we walked upon in this dark place was dry and barren of any nutrients. Our feet were chaffed and cut from rocks that lay upon the ground. The leafs on every tree and plant were so dark they themselves were almost black. The ground was laden with every foul insect and creature imaginable. Centipedes and maggots twisted beneath the earth, and at night it was not safe to travel for black animals prowled the trees and ground for anything that was alive. I had never known before how glorious sunlight was. To walk in continuous night was dreary and depressing. It seemed so different from what you would expect if you were to look at the beach. The beach had been so beautiful, and yet within this place, everything seemed to be rotting. Even a foul stench rose from the earth. I felt I could go no further when I saw the most beautiful thing in my life. A strip of green grass. That tiny strip of green gave us the strength to carry on. We felt so close to escaping this place. But Filia stopped us before we proceeded. “Robert, I need you shirt”, she said, “There are more people who live here in Anchora, good people. But if they see my black clothes, they will kill me. I need your shirt.” Robert took off his white shirt and gave it to Filia. She went behind a tree and changed. Fortunately, she was much smaller than he was, and it was like a dress on her. She then took a knife she carried and cut her hair. I was shocked to see that she had also carried a type of syrup that turned her hair from black to brown. Apparently color was important here. “Filia, why didn’t you tell us there were other people?” I hissed. “It was too risky”, she explained. “The people here need to be protected.” We turned to follow the green grass and everything continually became brighter. Plants began to show signs of life, and even the dirt appeared more brown. The trees became few, and the forest began to thin out. When we reached the end of the forest, our breath was taken away. We stood at the top of a hill that looked upon a valley of lush green. A small river flowed at the bottom of the valley that seemed to go on for miles. As Filia looked upon the river, she began to cry. She said she had never imagined it would be this beautiful. She had never been beyond the lights of Tenebrae.
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